Up n ABOUT

Its already 2:42 AM, but sleep has been evading me for the past few hours. I don't know, I think I have too much in my mind. Earlier, I was just talking to someone who used to have a very big impact in my life. Well I can't say that he doesn't have any effect on me anymore, but certain situations have certainly lessened the degree. Sometimes I wonder why we still keep holding on to things and people that we know are not healthy for us. Is it because it is our innate nature to be suckers for pain? The most logical thing to do is to just walk away to maintain whatever sanity we have. But no, we still linger, we still hold on in the hope that things will turn around in our favour. How many times have I felt that I was in control of the situation only to have it overturned in the next moment. Sometimes I feel confident enough to face whatever I have to deal with head on. Thinking that nothing could cause me any more pain, but low and behold, one minute I am in control and next thing I know I've just been trampled on. This has happened to me numerous times already. But still, I don't learn my lesson, the million dollar question is, is this person a very significant part of my life still? Does he still mean something to me no matter how many times I deny it to my friends and even to myself? Maybe.....no wonder, I'm still here.....waiting...longing and hoping for the time that there will no longer be pretenses, masquerades and denials..........